Let's Talk About Loneliness

The ache of isolation and the promise of belonging

I have some exciting news to share with you. You may access that news by scrolling to the bottom of this message. But first, here’s this week’s essay…

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Loneliness is the silent epidemic in our time.

Despite our hyper-connected digital world, people across all ages and backgrounds report feeling profoundly alone. In fact, recent research in the United States found that about one in two adults experiences loneliness, with serious negative effects on their health.

Prolonged isolation doesn’t just cause emotional pain - it can also harm the body. One medical report warned that being socially disconnected can carry the same health risk as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. No wonder the ache of loneliness hurts so much:

We were not created to live in isolation.

The good news is that the God who created us in His own image knows our need for community and offers real hope for those among us who feel the ache of loneliness. In the opening chapters of Scripture - before Adam and Eve brought sin into the world - God Himself declares, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).

We human beings, made in the image of a relational God, thrive only to the degree that we are in relationship. Loneliness, then, is not a flaw in you - it’s a sign that you’re made for connection. The promise of the gospel is that Jesus came not only to reconcile you to God, but also to knit you into a family.

The church, at its best, becomes the place where “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6) and where strangers become friends, and eventually friends become as family to each other.

Jesus Knows the Ache Firsthand

It is good for us to consider how intimately God understands loneliness.

Jesus Himself experienced it. In Gethsemane’s garden, His closest friends fell asleep during His darkest hour, right when He needed them most. On the cross, Jesus cried out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)

Jesus He knows the pain of loneliness more than the whole wide world combined. Because of that, He can uniquely understand, empathize with, and comfort us. As the book of Hebrews says, “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses - but one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15).

Jesus, the Friend of sinners, experienced the sting of betrayal and abandonment, yet He overcame it to make way for us to be part of His own family.

As if that weren’t enough, Jesus also extends to us the deepest friendship imaginable - the kind that fills an inner void that no human companionship has the power or capacity to reach. He told His disciples, “I have called you friends,” a remarkable statement when you realize these were people who would soon scatter and abandon Him at the cross (John 15:15).

Jesus’ friendship is not based on our performance; it’s based on His one-way love toward us, which ironically becomes our main reason for wanting to love, honor, and obey Him in return. Through faith, we have access to Jesus as our constant friend and companion. By His Spirit, Christ dwells with us so that even when we are physically alone, we are never actually alone.

He promised to His disciples as well as to us, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). In even our loneliest moments, we can go to Him in prayer and know that He hears, understands, and cares for us deeply.

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God With Skin On

God typically heals loneliness not only through His presence through the Spirit, but through other people who, like us, have the Spirit living inside them.

I once heard a preacher tell the story of a frightened little girl who cried out during a thunderstorm. Her mother tried to comfort her, saying, “God is with you in the dark.” The little girl replied, “I know He is, but I want someone with skin on.”

We all crave “God with skin on” - and the same ability the disciples had to see, hear, and touch the Living God who became flesh and made His dwelling among us. In response to this desire, God gives us the gift of each other, which the Scriptures call “the body of Christ.” The New Testament church is described as a mutually caring, supportive community where people “devoted themselves to fellowship.” They ate together, prayed together, and carried each other’s burdens to the degree that no person lived with an unmet need (Acts 2:42-47; 4:34-35).

In a similar way, we too are invited into relationships where Christ’s love takes on flesh, bone, and blood - through a friend’s listening ear, a mentor’s encouragement, a small group’s prayer support, or some other human means.

History gives us several moving examples of this reality.

Here’s one of my favorites: During World War II, C.S. Lewis lived through the German bombing raids on London. Amid the horrors of war, he opened his modest home to children displaced from their families. In what became known as the Kilns, these children not only found safety from the bombs but also discovered a sense of belonging and care. Out of this experience, Lewis wrote his now-beloved Chronicles of Narnia, stories filled with themes of courage, friendship, and family. His act of hospitality - welcoming lonely, frightened children into his home - gave these vulnerable little ones a glimpse of what God’s peace-loving kingdom in a time of war can look like. What might seem like a small gesture of opening one’s doors or making room for others can, when it’s all said and done, alter the course of someone’s life.

From Desert to Garden

If you are shouldering the burden of loneliness right now, Scripture promises that it will not always be this way. God gently invites you, even now, to step out of isolation into a less-than-perfect experience belonging. That step often requires vulnerability - perhaps reaching out to someone, joining a group, or admitting to a trusted friend, “I’m lonely.” It can be scary to do this, especially if you’ve been hurt or experience social anxiety. But the risk is almost always worth it.

In community, even imperfect community, we begin to taste the “one-another’s” that Scripture talks about: love one another, bear one another’s burdens, forgive one another, rejoice and weep with one another. These shared “one-anothering” joys and sorrows are the antidote to the lie that you are, and must remain, all alone in the world.

Catholic writer Henri Nouwen described the journey from loneliness to connection as turning a desert into a garden. In Reaching Out, Nouwen wrote:

“To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. The movement from loneliness to solitude requires hard spiritual work. It requires the discipline to let our restless, unfulfilled hearts be transformed by the love of God into a heart that can offer others a safe place of rest.”

Nouwen’s vision helps us see that the difference between lonely isolation and life-giving solitude is, before anything else, knowing that we are beloved by God.

When we see how highly valued and esteemed we are through God’s eyes, solitude becomes a fruitful time with Him rather than a vacuum of isolation turned in upon ourselves. We are then able to be alone without feeling abandoned, and also able to connect with others without clinging to them in overly needy or codependent ways. God heals our loneliness by assuring us of His own unshakable love, and then places us in a community where that love can be reflected both to us and through us.

If you are struggling with loneliness, I pray this will be your encouragement:

God sees you.
He knows the ache inside.
And He cannot stop caring for and about you.

The very fact that loneliness hurts is evidence that you are built for relationship and connection - and God stands ready to meet that need. His invitation to you is the same as it’s always been: into friendship with Himself, and then into family with His people.

Even if people have disappointed you (as they eventually will, because being human involves hurting and being hurt by others), Jesus offers a friendship that will never fail. “I will never leave or forsake you,” He lovingly says to us (Hebrews 3:5-6). And even if church or community life has been messy (as it often is), perhaps God will at some point surprise you with new relationships and renewed trust. In place of isolation, may He give us all a renewed sense of belonging.

There is no simple cure-all for loneliness, but there is a certain hope.

The ache of loneliness ultimately points to a promise: that one day, all things will be set right and we will dwell in perfect communion with God and each other - even as Adam and Eve did in Eden’s Garden before the fall, except more fully and unchangeably so.

In the meantime, every step we take toward genuine connection - every honest conversation, every shared meal, every act of worship alongside others, and even every relational risk we take - is a step toward that coming reality.

The God who sets the lonely in families is at work on your behalf even now. In His hands, your loneliness can be the very place where His love is confirmed to you. You are never as alone as you may feel, and the best and most enduring chapters of belonging in your story are still being written by the One who calls you “friend.”

How Can I Encourage You?

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News - Coming September 22,2025

I’m delighted to share that on Monday, September 22, I’ll be launching a new teaching channel and podcast called That’s a Great Question. Each week, I’ll release two ten-minute teachings - every Monday and Thursday - available in both video and audio formats.

In next week’s post, I’ll provide details on how you can subscribe and stay connected.

In the meantime, I would be grateful for your prayers - that God would grant favor and extend this work to those He most desires for it to reach. More to come soon…