Speaking Words that Make Souls Stronger

Do you love somebody? Do you want their best? Can you see the good in them? Don't hold it in - tell them about it!

When I ask people, “What is a Christian?” they don’t always respond with words like love, compassion, and grace; sometimes, they describe a person or group who’s anti-something. 

Jesus was not chiefly known for what he was against. He was known for serving people who had needs, feeding people who were hungry, and giving water to people who had thirst. If we [Christians] were known primarily for similar things, our ability to cut through so many divisions would go way up, would it not?

The Christian reputation of being uptight and judgmental, while not universal, is too prevalent in light of who Christ is and what Christ is about. The last thing we want to do by our attitudes, words, and actions is contradict our Lord’s intent.

Somehow, in a sincere effort to “speak the truth,” we can lose our way and miss the fact that truth — in order to be true in the truest sense — must be packaged in a love that is patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not proud or dishonoring, is not self-seeking or easily angered, that keeps no record of wrongs, that does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth, that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and that never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Jesus used his words to affirm as well as to critique. But it might surprise us to see who He affirmed and who He critiqued.

Consider Peter. Peter was hot-headed, fell asleep when Jesus asked him to pray, and betrayed Him at His darkest hour. Even so, Jesus called Him “the Rock.”

Jesus reached out to the morally defeated Samaritan woman at the well (John 4). He invited a crook to be one of His disciples (Matthew 9:9-13). He praised a promiscuous woman who anointed him at Simon’s house with extravagant, culturally taboo love gestures (Luke 7:36-50). He regularly ate with sinners, prostitutes, and tax collectors. He hung out with lepers, women, little children, and others at the bottom of the social pecking order.

Jesus, the author of all truth, beauty, and goodness, was quick to affirm, embrace, and keep company with the most unlikely people with His actions as well as His words.

The only people Jesus seemed to chastise were pious religious people who were quite sure of themselves—priests, Levites, and Bible scholars as well as committed money givers and churchgoers. Wherever there was self-congratulating and superiority and moral bravado, Jesus gave no applause or affirmation. Instead, he brought sharp critique, told them they were not children of Abraham but children of the devil, called them blind guides who don’t practice what they preach and self-honoring, self-serving hypocrites who neglect justice and mercy and shed innocent blood and whose pious prayers and devotion were a self-indulgent show.

All of this showmanship came a prideful root that was also a needy one. As such, Jesus was not only infuriated with them but also pitied them. In one moment, He is dressing them down for their hypocrisy (Matthew 23:1-39). He also felt the deepest compassion for them, not in spite of their sins of smugness and arrogance, but precisely because of those sins and the deep insecurity that lurked beneath their surface (Luke 19:41-44).

The Pharisee spirit underlying, attention-craving insecurities manifest in other ways, as well. Comedian Tom Arnold once confessed in an interview about his book, How I Lost Five Pounds in Six Years, that most entertainers are in show business because they are broken people, looking for affirmation:

The reason I wrote this book is because I wanted something out there so people would tell me they liked me. It’s the reason behind almost everything I do.

Tom Arnold is not alone.

Who cannot identify with a craving for affirmation?

Some call this neediness. Others call it being created in the Image of a God whose nature invites not only people, but also rocks and trees and skies and seas, to praise and give homage to Him. The chief end of everyone and everything, we are told, is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. As such, we are designed and fashioned to be miniature reflections of Him. This also means that receptivity to and desire for praise is deeply ingrained in us. In other words, it is natural.

Demanding recognition and praise is neither good nor healthy. However…

Desiring and humbly receiving recognition and praise is God-like and healthy.

This is why the gospel, the truth that we have been given all the affirmation we will ever need in Christ, is good news indeed.

Our deep longing for affirmation makes sense. It is also the reason why we Christians have reason to be the most affirming, others-blessing people in the world. Rather than rushing to find fault, we have every reason proactively seek opportunities to, as Tim Keller called it, “catch others doing good” and to encourage (put courage into) others.

Jesus understood this especially with the weak and worn down. His beloved followers we have opportunity, as well as good reason, to share with Him in that understanding and to “go and do likewise.”

“But,” a Christian may ask, “Doesn’t critique play a role in the life of a believer?” Shouldn’t Christians speak truth and warn people about sin and judgment? Shouldn’t Christians shine as light in dark places, call people to repent and believe, and go into the world and teach people to obey everything that Jesus commanded? Shouldn’t we expect that as we do these things, there will be people who oppose us and who say, as Gandhi once did, “I do not like…Christians?”

Yes, sometimes this will happen. Even when done in love, speaking the truth, shining as light in darkness, and taking up a cross to follow Jesus will draw certain forms of opposition. But if people are going to resist and reject us, let’s at least make sure that they are the same kinds of people who resisted and rejected Jesus — and that they reject us based on our love and not our smugness, holier-than-thou-ness, or obnoxiousness.

Smug religious people wanted to throw Jesus off a cliff.

People with disabilities and special needs, little children, abused and discarded women, as well as sexually damaged people, crooks, charlatans, prodigals and addicts, couldn’t get enough of Jesus.

I once saw an interview with Mariah Carey, who at the time was in her late twenties and had accumulated more #1 hits than any artist except Elvis and the Beatles. The interviewer asked Carey if there was anything left for her to accomplish. After a long pause, she replied, “Happiness.” The interviewer, thrown off by the answer, asked how this could be true. Carey didn’t even have to think about it. Right away, she said that she could hear a thousand praises and just one criticism, and the one criticism would cancel out the thousand praises.

What does criticism accomplish? Really?

How many people do you know who started following Jesus or turned their life around because someone scolded them, expressed disdain for them, or pointed out how appalling their “lifestyle” is? I have been a Christian for thirty-five years and a minister for thirty. I have never met one.

So, does that mean we just “live and let live” when we see friends and family exhibiting destructive behaviors? Of course not. When someone in our lives is caught in addiction or destructive behavior, the loving thing to do is to help them out of it through intervention.

But intervention is not damning criticism; it’s redemptive critique that is motivated by restoring and building up. Criticism aims to harm and shame. Critique, on the other hand, seeks to leave a person feeling cared for and called to become a better version of themselves. Criticism will leave a person feeling belittled and beaten down. Paul says, “If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness” (Galatians 6:1-2).

Restore…in a spirit of gentleness.

Sometimes love calls us to be courageous because it takes courage to offer the gift of redemptive critique. It also takes courage to receive the same. Yet like iron sharpening iron, we can help one another grow into the likeness of Jesus.

So, critique redemptively when you must.

And at all times, for God’s sake, affirm and encourage. Put courage into a soul — wherever and whenever you can.

As our friend Ann Voskamp has said, “Only speak words that make souls stronger.” When you do, you will be participating in the good work of Christ himself.