Real Love vs. Dreamy Love

The "more excellent way" that can only happen with God at the center

One of the most remarkable things that has ever been said is that the God who built the universe loves us.

To better understand the weightiness of this, we have to understand the meaning of love. Love is typically the label we use for feelings that come and go. We say we “love” our favorite restaurant, the outfit a friend is wearing, a favorite band or music genre, or the Tennessee Titans. The word can also incite cynicism, as one pop song reveals by defining “love” as a sweet old-fashioned notion and second-hand emotion.

But the biblical picture of love is much more grounded and durable and sacred than either of these uses of the word.

As Dostoevsky famously said in Brothers Karamazov:

“Love in practice is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams.”

Put another way, real love is more gritty and gutsy than sentimental. Real love is quite different than dreamy love.

Based on this understanding, we have no better picture of it than God himself, who “so loved, that he gave…” Here are a few thoughts on what that means as those who want to live a life of love:

Love Means Covenant

The anchor of covenant travels through the pages of Scripture. God makes a covenant with Adam and Eve, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, Solomon, and ultimately with all who have placed their faith in Jesus.

The essence of covenant is, “I will be your God, and also the God of your children, and you will be my people.” Here, he promises his steady presence, enduring kindness, and relentless commitment never to leave or forsake us (Heb 13:5). As a bride and groom covenant to be faithful to one another in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, for better or for worse, so God covenants himself to us.

Being in covenant with God means that once we become his children, we cannot un-become his children. We are safe with him. He will not reject us. On our best days and our worst days, he will never stop being loyal to us.

This is a unique truth about Christianity. God will continue to accept us, even when we fail him repeatedly. He will not push the eject button on us when we fall short of the mark. We are never on eggshells with him because the God who forgives is the God who stays.

Our work will not love us in this way. If we fail or fall out of favor in our work, it won’t forgive us…we’ll be fired.

Our finances will not love us in this way. If inflation runs ahead of our income, or we read the market wrong, “forgive us our debts” will ring hollow with mortgage companies, creditors, and otherwise.

People will not love us in this way either. While some are more prone to forgive than others, if we fail people badly enough, trust may be permanently broken.

But Jesus! Jesus is the One who stays with us, seventy times seven and then some.

Love Means Mending

Though God invites us to come to him as we are, this is not an invitation to stay as we are. Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that we are his workmanship (literally his “poem”), created in Christ Jesus for good works. When God created human beings, he created us in knowledge, righteousness, and holiness.

In the beginning, male and female together reflected his likeness as his “very good” crown of creation (Genesis 1:26-27). But when we sought independence from him, our very-goodness was marred like the defacing of a magnificent piece of art. Ever since, we have not been what God intends for us to be.

But God, being Redeemer of broken people, places, and things, endeavors to restore the whole universe back to its original glory and beauty (Romans 8:18-25). This especially includes people, who are his joy and his crown. Scripture promises that when God is finished restoring us, we will be like Jesus in all his perfection, and free from all our current corruption.

J.I. Packer says that to truly love someone is to make them great. It is to look at the caterpillar and envision the butterfly, and then come alongside the caterpillar to help it along toward becoming the butterfly. This is God’s intention toward us.

As God’s image-bearers, we are carriers of this restoration impulse. We are motivated to mend that which is broken, enhance that which is dull, and beautify that which is unsightly. Mechanics restore cars, contractors restore houses, physicians restore bodies, ministers restore souls, and so on. We love the feel and look of a nice haircut, a newly-hemmed pair of pants, or a restored piece of wood. We enjoy making new things out of what has decayed through time and the aging process. This is nothing less than a reflection of the image of God in us.

Love Means Joy

Did you know that God doesn’t merely love you through Jesus, but that he also likes you? He is very fond of you. If you are his child, he thoroughly enjoys you and rejoices over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). He calls you his beloved, and wants you to think of him in the same way.

Does this blow your mind? If not, what would it take to change that?

We all want to be enjoyed, don’t we? Students light up when they get a paper back and the teacher’s comments say, “Great job! A+!”

Athletes come alive when the crowd cheers in appreciation for their performance.

Employees feel larger than life when the boss rewards their hard work with a promotion or a bonus.

Children are always crying out to their parents, “Watch me!” because they want to be praised, adored, approved of, and enjoyed.

A bride blushes when she walks down the aisle with all eyes gazing at her in all of her loveliness.

We want to be cherished, and God cherishes us! This is part of what he means when he says that he loves us.

A pastor friend of mine tells the story of a wedding he once officiated, in which the groom, upon seeing his lovely bride at the back of the sanctuary, left his side and ran to her! The love struck groom was so taken by his bride’s beauty that he could not bear to be separated from her for even another second. He happily made a “fool” of himself in front of a full room of family, friends, and other guests.

Our Father in heaven, who wants us to call him “Abba” (meaning “Papa”), the Son who calls us his bride, and the Spirit who pours out the love of God in our hearts, loves us in a similar way, but exceedingly so.

If you don’t believe it, just read Luke 15 and remind yourself:

• You are the lost sheep and he is the shepherd overjoyed at the sight of you.

• You are the lost coin that is found and he is the woman who celebrates after recovering her wealth.

• You are the lost son and he is the father who throws a “welcome home!” party in your honor.

• You are the resentful son and he is the father who reminds you that all he has is yours and invites you into the party.

So, will you come inside?

Will you receive from him what is already and always has been yours?

His never ending love awaits you.